"What matters most is to complete the journey."
- Lailah Gifty Akita
I've been called tenacious, resilient & determined. Yes, I've been all of that much of my life. But when spirit crushing moments happened by those I trusted, I experienced something new: defeat. The wind was stopped and my sails fell. I never experienced such emotionally crushing blows before from people and places unexpected. I had never tasted what it felt like to be so crushed that getting back up was like trying to walk to the moon. Little things that used to roll off, flattened me. I felt like the mole in whacka-mole.
It's been almost ten years since those events. The journey back to strength has not been easy. It has been harder than all the muck that molded me to be resilient and tenacious. It seems the older I get the harder to press on feels. I often feel tired of the fight, the race, the journey.
But I press on. Trudging along, feeling occasional bursts of energy or a gust of wind giving me a boost. Then flat. That has been more the norm. Burst, flat - repeat.
What struck me profoundly is, that which gave me such drive in the past was fear fueled by anger. Determined to prove my value and worth to those who repeatedly wanted me to believe I had none. When I found myself surrounded by others who spoke value and worth to me I flourished and let my shields down. It was at that moment, I was cut to the core.
It would be easy to conclude that life would be much easier with shields up. To reclaim anger and fear and assume that determination, resilience and tenacity would return. But the truth is, those attributes have never left. They're still within. It wasn't anger and fear that fueled me. It is the core of who I am that fueled me.
Our value and worth - those things never change since birth. It is our journey that alters the truth at times. It shadows the truth of who we are. Fearfully and Wonderfully made.
Many don't believe in the things unseen. The battle between light and dark, good and evil. It is all around us. Dark attempting to swallow up the light and evil, distorting the truth. What we see is based on what we believe. If we believe we have no value, then no value is what becomes our truth.
"You were running the race so well. Who has held you back from following the truth?"
- Galatians 5:7
There is a darkness, an evil that wants to kill steal and destroy. We each have a unique purpose on this earth, in this lifetime. What has cut in on you today, robbing you of that truth?
I was thinking about the importance of finishing well. Maybe you have been dealt some very challenging blows and you too have felt like giving up. Maybe the boat you're in has been crushed and battered and the sails have been torn down. Stand up and get in a different boat.
And when the wind dies down in that new boat, get out and walk on the water.
Keep going no matter what.
Our circumstances and situations do not determine who we are or what we are. It's all external. Who we are is internal. Life is a battle and sometimes a hellish journey. But nothing, absolutely nothing happens to us that we are not already equipped to face and to emerge victorious.
WE CAN do all things through CHRIST who strengthens us!
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." 2 Timothy 4:7-8
Don't forget to pick up a copy of my book, "Confessions of a Feel Good Addict"
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